I wonder. This is how Maria begins her song in the Sound of Music as the Reverend Mother sends her to find herself (or perhaps realize her call) by caring for the Captain Von Trapp's seven children. She continues to sing.
What will my future be? I wonder. / It could be so exciting to be out in the world, to be free / My heart should be wildly rejoicing / Oh, what's the matter with me?
I started watching this movie tonight (which by the way is one of my favorites) when I realized that Maria was singing the song in my heart. Holy God. This is exactly how I feel. I never knew Rogers & Hammerstein were so theological -- but God does surprise us in startling ways. Tomorrow, I answer the call that God has presented me with. Tomorrow, I begin to serve the church. Mother God has sent me out to find myself and realize my own gifts. And yet, here I am singing just like Maria.
I've always longed for adventure / To do the things I've never dared / And here I'm facing adventure / Then why am I so scared
About now, Maria realizes that she's being silly with her worries. Trust me, I know exactly how this feels. And yet, sometimes we can't help but be overwhelmed by all of these confusing emotions. And God bless Maria for her song that somehow managed to give me strength tonight. So, I shall just let you relish in her lyrics. I hope they inspire you as much as they comforted me tonight.
Oh, I must stop these doubts, all these worries / If I don't I just know I'll turn back / I must dream of the things I am seeking / I am seeking the courage I lack
The courage to serve them with reliance / Face my mistakes without defiance / Show them I'm worthy / And while I show them / I'll show me
So, let them bring on all their problems / I'll do better than my best / I have confidence they'll put me to the test / But I'll make them see I have confidence in me
Somehow I will impress them / I will be firm but kind / And all those children (Heaven bless them!) / They will look up to me / And mind me
Don't you just love the authority there? It's just fantastic in the midst of all of her confusion. Sorry, go ahead and keep singing (oh you are totally singing along, don't bother kidding yourself).
With each step I am more certain / Everything will turn out fine / I have confidence the world can all be mine / They'll have to agree I have confidence in me / I have confidence in sunshine / I have confidence in rain / I have confidence that spring will come again / Besides which you see I have confidence in me
The song goes on. But, I like the creation image here and I think I shall just have to repeat this last line as I fall asleep tonight: I have confidence in me.