I been prayin' more.
I find this is not a perfect art. But, I've been trying to practice more often -- I'm actually trying to practice a lot more often. Running. Hiking. Writing. Painting. Praying. These are the things that I'm trying to do more often. All in all, this results in a good week -- except for the teeny weeny fact that I got a little bitter recently. The lonely thing got a little overwhelming. I got to the point where I felt like the only one of my friends that wasn't in love (which, I can rationally admit is not so). I was not rational though. I was irrationally bitter -- which, might I add, made me a cup of joy to be near.
So, anyhow, I been prayin' more. It started when my spiritual director (I think I failed to post that I found one and it was good and I'm jazzed) asked me what God looked like now -- rather than what God looked like before. This may sound insane, but I hadn't thought about what God means to me now as an ordained person in the throws of ministry. Uh. Yeah. This is what I've been prayin' about. I started with that one word from Ezekiel in a little centering prayer. I repeated it over and over again. Prophesy. Prophesy. In my mind, it was framed as a revelation. I was looking for God to speak. (After all, I am one of those UCCers that believes God is still speaking). Now, I'm allowing myself to be present to this revelation. To see it. To touch it. To taste it. To drink it in. I still don't have a prophesy, but I do have more of a presence. Or rather, I'm more aware of that presence that I don't know how to name.
This got me thinking today because I met a boy. I'm going to try not to the gushy part where I soar ahead in time to the time when we are married with children in rock bands. Yeah, see that's a problem. Anyhow, I met this boy on the dreaded internet and he might be just perfect for me. We had lunch together today after church. And then, just as I'm daydreaming about him, he sends me a text message to tell me that he had a "blast" today and wants to see me again. AMEN! That was actually my reply. Did I mention he's a PK?
There is something about being in the same place as that thing that you want to be near -- no matter if it's a new love interest, your baby sister filling out college applications, your good friend on the nearby treadmill or the presence of God. There is something about being close that changes that relationship. It makes me more intimate and all the more wonderful. This is what I'm looking forward to this week -- being closer to God, my sister, my good friends and this new romance.