It's been raining for several days now. Maybe it's only been two days. But, it rained on my days off. And it continues to rain. The forecast predicts more rain this week. Rain all week, actually. And I feel soggy. That's it. Just soggy. I don't want to admit that the weather affects me this much. But, it appears that it does.
I went home last weekend to see old friends. I told them how happy I was here in this new place that I have been trying so hard to make become home for the past seven months. It was officially seven months on Friday. I got on the plane to leave this new home by the sea feeling like it actually was become home. And when I came home, I wasn't quite as certain. Like I said, I feel soggy.
I want so desparately to feel settled. After all, that's what I am -- a settled pastor. I'm supposed to be settled, aren't I? But, I don't feel totally home yet. I really wish I did. But, I don't know how to transform that prayer into reality. I don't know how to make that soggy, hollow feeling be anything other than a lamenting prayer.
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Rant, pray, bless, draw, lament and praise with me in the wonders and mysteries of trying to be who God has called me to be.
4 comments:
Give yourself time. Consider that a year ago you were a grad student. That's a lot of change in 12 months. It makes total sense that you don't feel settled yet. I'd actually feel a little more worried if you did!
i think it takes a good 2 years to feel totally settled...and then things unsettle again. so, give yourself a year to feel a little more settled and then another year to feel like home perhaps. it is hard. patience...
But, what if I don't have any patience?
I've heard that 2 year thing before. But, it's beginning to sound a lot like the comforting words: "When you stop looking, you will find the one."
Grrr.
Yep ... the two year thing is true ... and I sure understand the problem with "patience!"
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