Create In Me

It will happen a week from today. A week from today, I will be ordained. I can hardly believe it.

And I have to admit, I'm not sure what to think about it. It doesn't seem possible. After all of this time, it could really be happening. Really? I'm not sure it's possible. Actually, it seems quite improbable. It all seems unlikely. But, it will happen. It will happen in the grace of the space of the church that first heard me say "yes." They are getting ready, as I try to do the same -- which, for me, requires painting. I am trying (somewhat unsuccessfully) to paint the call process. To paint what my ministry will be and what I see in this moment in time. I'm a realistic painter, but perhaps it's appropriate that there is no realism in this painting. There are layers of paperwork -- including my covenant, the church bulletin from my candiating date and pages of my ordination paper. I started with the doors of my home church. They are buried back there so much so that they are probably not noticable to any eye but my own. They are the first doors that opened to me and they are the doors that will send me out. But, it's not my style. This is not typically how I paint. And yet, there it is.

It's far from done, but there it is.

The congregation will get to finish it (after I have done some more painting). They will be invited to add the last layer in this creation. They will add rocks, if you can imagine.

But right now, I just have rocks in my stomach. I'm nervous and anxious. So very nervous and anxious. So very, very nervous and anxious. It seems silly. This should be icing on the cake. I should be rejoicing in the sweet calls and emails from friends that I never thought would make the trip. But, instead, I'm just nervous. Yikes.

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