Since I started blogging, I have journaled less. I mean, why keep a journal when you can publish your thoughts for all to read on the internet and get comments? Honestly. But, now, I'm taking a continuing education class discovering my inner ability to write fiction at our local university -- and I am required to keep a journal. Again.
I forgot how much I missed journaling. I forgot what a wonderful companion it can be. Not that I don't adore all of you, but I do write differently in my journal. I say more. I offer thoughts that I would hesitate to offer here as I don't want you to think that I'm crazy. And I am. But, I don't need you to be thinking that. In my journal, I can write differently. It's rather liberating and I had totally forgotten about it.
In class tonight, we made a list of the functions that a full-sentence journal might have. If you are writing in less than full sentences, the fiction writing teacher thinks you are not keeping a journal. I wouldn't know how to do that anyhow. That's what my calendar looks like -- and that's a mess as it is. This list included (but was certainly not limited to): reflections, rants, fantasies, dreams, what ifs, dialogues, parodies, spoofs. And then, I added: "Shit I had a bad day." The fiction writing teacher quickly added something about getting a new job when I made this comment. I didn't say anything. But, I wanted to tell her that this was actually healthy.
When I do write in my journal now, this was what I write. I write about those bad days that I can't tell anyone about. I write about what makes me sad about my work and why my heart is breaking because I care so freakin' much. I don't want a new job. I want to be sane in my current job. So, I'm taking a class to learn how to turn all of this stuff into a really good story -- as I believe there should be more stories about church. Good liberal church. But, I know that others of you write and enjoy writing even if it's just blog posts and sermons. I wonder about what outlets you give yourself in your journal or other places. How does writing feed your ministry?
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Rant, pray, bless, draw, lament and praise with me in the wonders and mysteries of trying to be who God has called me to be.
1 comment:
yeah, there is so much i don't write her, can't write here, no one needs to read my journal. really. but i don't keep a journal either, i wish i did sometimes though. i think therapy is a serious outlet for me--that is what analysis is for, right? figuring out the stories i want to tell to cover up the stories i am terribly afraid of telling.
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