1.13.2009

Respect My Authority



I don't do accents. Get over it.

I'm staring at a list of goals that I created after the dreaded review. For those that don't remember, it was awful. I got triangulated. My clergy group told me that I should duck and cover. I probably didn't blog about that because I was so freaked out that I might run for the hills and leave ministry forever. I'm dramatic. It's not going to happen. I'm here staring at these goals, or as the document is titled "what some might call goals" and wondering what it is that I want in my ministry.

When the clergy group told me to duck and cover, they were listening carefully to the fact that I wasn't ready to leave this congregation. I wasn't ready to go. I knew I'm here and need to be here even if I peek at the possiblities out there in minsitry right now. This group of women encouraged me to find something that would invigorate my minsitry and give me life. They thought I should take a class outside of my ministry. I thought about taking an art class, but didn't really like the possibilities at the local art school. Instead, I'm thinking about writing a book.

Truth be told, I've wanted to do this for a long time. I thought it would be a work of fiction -- but that was before the Young Clergy Women Project came up with a book deal. I have an idea so I started to write a proposal. I didn't get far at all. One of the first questions that they ask is about where you've been pusblished before. The only place I've been published is Fidelia's Sisters. And so, I'm not respecting my own authority. I closed the document and sighed wondering if I have enough experience and wisdom to write a book at all.

I am my own worst critic.

4 comments:

Mrs. M said...

In my experience, not trusting my own authority/wisdom/self can really be excruciating-- and nothing good has ever come of it. You have my very deep sympathies for difficult stuff.

Susan O said...

You don't have to have published to submit to the TYCWP project. That's the whole point of the book deal--to give those that have not yet published a chance.

LittleMary said...

aren't we all our own worst critics? open that back up and try again...if you can.

Pastor Peters said...

yes, we are lm. and i fully intend to write this proposal as i know that the point is that it's for those that are not published. i was just intimidated. it happens.